January 12, 2009

The day after the Golden Globes was gray and rainy as usual, perfectly fitted to suit my mood. Getting up only made me feel worse, as that bit of turkey wing I ate late last night, kept coming up, and I thought I might throw up. So I made a cup of tea, fed the cats and went back to bed until 11.30.

Last night, I finally drank the four small bottles of Kokanee beer I’d bought for Thanksgiving last night and actually enjoyed myself for a few hours, chuckling away and tearing up at some of the acceptance speeches. It totally kept my thoughts away from my problems, which of course are many, and yet can be boiled down to just one—the lack of income.

Yes in every other way I feel blessed, but what good is that feeling when I’m balancing on the edge of doom—constantly. And now I’ve applied for more jobs than I can remember and none of them have paid off. The last one –to be a Server at a crummy nightclub—basically they said, that I was too old, even though I could see people working there who looked older than me, and I’m told I look younger than my age—and I didn’t put my age down anywhere on the application, so it was strange.

So what the hell am I supposed to do? Just curl up and die?

I have great skills in my profession as an Art Restorer, having started in 1980, and the rewards can be sweet; but the financial situation in this country is so dire that I have lost about 80% of my business in recent months and the cost of living keeps rising, so now what do I do? I used to be able to count on ‘just waiting it out’, and somehow the money always dribbled in, but now in this New Year, it’s the worst ever.

So I cannot continue to make the same mistakes I made before, and so must be bold if I want to survive.

Here goes, then. I’m going to try and get this rant on a website and hopefully I can attract other women like me, who are living alone because we treasure our hard won freedom. Wish me luck people.

May be with you dear readers we can all make some money together? Somehow?

Do you, like me keep getting mail from all sorts of companies to sell me things that most of us don’t really need, --at least not yet--like hearing aids and plans for retirement homes and the best choices for your burial or cremation?

Screw them! They make me so angry I could scream!

I need work and work and work!

I know you’re out there ladies, you who defy the norms and all the bullshit in our society, by being who you are, always true to yourself!

That is as long as that doesn’t involve hurting others deliberately!

I intend to let you read some of my writings, since I’ve written a few short stories and a novel as well. But first I want to hear from other women like me!

Women who are still young in their ways, who like to play tennis, and ski and are still young at heart, no matter what. I’m talking about women who have talent and very little money, perhaps because they didn’t do so well out of their divorce settlements, like others I know.

I also want to hear from you guys, you who have championed our causes through the years and love us truly for what we represent.

In fact I don’t really care what sex you are or whom you love, as long as you do love someone and have something to add to this blog.